"Looks like you messed up, yet again, he's so sick of you doing this to him."

"He's not going to take you back, again, you've messed up too many times."

"Dont even read your bible, its boring and you wont find what you need in there."

These are the lies i've been hearing for the past 2 weeks.  The enemy has really gotten into my head and had convinced me of things i knew to be false.  But as i sat in my sin, messing up for about the millionth time, i asked myself, how in the world can God love me, after this.  What i've learned is, i'm not supposed to know, but he does.  His love will never make sense to me, and i dont think it's supposed to.  God's love is bigger and more wondrous than my head can even wrap itself around.  No matter what i do, no matter what i say, nothing can separate me from His love. (Romans 8:38-39).  So, i'm done believing these lies, i'm done feeling horrible and wallowing in my guilt.  That is exactly what Jesus does NOT want me to do, he died on the cross for that very sin i'm sinking in.  He's already forgiven me and he's already forgotten it.  I dont deserve the love of Christ, i dont deserve the millionth second chance that he's giving me, and i dont deserve to be used by a God that is bigger than anything i know.  I will never understand my God, but i like it that way.  I love Him, in my shallow, human heart, i love Him.  Even after i spit in his face and run from him, i love Him, and he loves me.  Even when i hear my voice in the crowd persecuting him, i love him.  Even when i'm Peter, denying him 3 times, i love him.  Even when i disrespect my parents, i love Him.  Even when i lust after a guy, i love Him.  Even when i lie to my close friends, i love him.  In the midst of every sin i've ever committed, not only do i still desire a better relationship with  Him, he desires one as well, even more than i do.  His love can not be measured, just like my sin can not be measured, but his love covers it up.  His love makes me white as snow. Oh how great a truth that is, and how great is the God we serve.  

I dont deserve a great God. 

I dont deserve a great love. 

I dont deserve a great healer.

I dont deserve great grace.
I dont deserve great mercy.
I dont deserve great forgiveness. 

But his grace is free, and he wants to give it me, he's holding his hands open for me to take them.  I will, and he will hold me for the rest of eternity, because thats the great God he is.