fear.

Fear. It's something God uses to tell me exactly where he wants me.  Everyone's relationship with God is different and he talks to people in ways they react best to.  Mine is fear.  I know God is telling me to do something when i'm afraid to do it.  After being in Mexico for a week i'm afraid.  I know the culture shock i felt there and i know the feeling of leaving a place i fell in love with.  It frightens me because i know God could call me to do it again, maybe for longer this time, or maybe for my whole life.  When i first felt called to do missions i cried myself to sleep, i didnt want to do it.  I didnt want to give up everything and move far away.  Then, one day, something weird happened,  i got excited.  The idea of moving some place new and telling people about Jesus in a language they cant understand enticed me, and excited my bones.  God moved me.  I found this organization called AIM missions, and they do this thing called The World Race.  It's incredible.  They go to 11 different countries in 11 months.  Its amazing.  I've been obsessed with the idea ever since.  I went on every day and read racers blogs, i checked on the new maps, anything i could find on that site i went on.  Now, as i sit here on my computer reading through these racers blogs, seeing their hearts and the trials and the blessings they are finding on the world race, i'm afraid.  What if God really calls me to go on this trip, basically a whole year away from my family, my friends, and this town that i'm so in love with (i rarely admit i love coldwater).  This used to be my dream, it excited me, but now as i sit here, i'm afraid of it.  OH NO. Fear, here you are again Jesus, striking fear into my heart for your Kingdom.  I love you, and your will is dangerous to step into, but how beautiful it is when i finally let go and let you take it. I'll be praying about this, and i know i will have others praying as well.  My life is not mine, and i dont count it very precious to me, the only thing i count precious is Jesus.  My heart is His, and right now he's striking fear into the heart he owns.
I live for the fear of my Savior, and i live to be uncomfortable for Him.  May this path lead me closer to you, Oh Lord.