You have me.

http://youtu.be/rpATmuPr84Q

So let me go like a leaf upon the water, let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea, and I will disappear into a deeper beauty But for now just stay with me God, for now just stay with me.

Your love is sure.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.

-2 peter 1:3-4

Can i please just jump up and down from excitement and joy of how GREAT our God is?  My heart is thumping so fast in my chest and my smile stretches embarrassingly over my cheeks.  I honestly want to fall to my knees and just kiss his feet.  My anxious thoughts, my sinful desires, my selfish ambitions they are all just washed away and they are replaced with the fruits of his spirit.  I want to breathe in deep every precious breath he breathes into me.  I know why i worry, why i get anxious, why i sin, because i'm weak and frail and broken but when i'm in the presence of my King i'm full and content and new.  I am full of joy, peace overwhelms my soul.  

You know me God, you know my ways, in my rising, in my sitting down, you see me as i am. (known-Kari Jobe)

I love you Jesus, continue teaching me and making me more like you. 

I say to the LORD, “You are my God.” Hear, LORD, my cry for mercy. Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. Do not grant the wicked their desires, LORD;  do not let their plans succeed. 

-Psalm 140:6-8

My heart aches as i call onto the Lord for His forgiveness, i've neglected his love and i've ignored his whispers.  My heart is so distracted, my mind so consumed in worldly thoughts.  Why must i be this weak human that cannot be loyal to anything, why must i constantly let down the ones i love most.  

The first thing that comes to mind is to run, i'm oh so good at that.  Running away from my problems and pretending they dont exist is what i do best.  But my savior whispers to me, "Take heart, i am with you".  He lives inside of me, His spirit is not one that runs, but that stands firm and fights.  My soul must be cleaned and my heart must be weeded.  I miss my Savior and his wonderful spirit, it is my fault for this distance, just like every other thing that has been going wrong, it is my fault.  Grace surrounds me, and i realize how lucky i am to have a Savior that picks me up off the dirty ground and looks at me and tells me i have so much worth.  I want to cling to Him, i want to run into this arms and remain there for the rest of my life.  This world is hard, but my Lord has overcome the world.  

"take heart, i am with you" 

I will listen to my Savior, for his promises are all i have to hold onto.

From the lens, to your viewing eyes.

We had fun at the airport. 

Racing. 

Jesus loves the small puppies too. 

Our little helpers, Gabby and Job. (yes, like in the bible)

The beauty overwhelmed me. 

one of the two houses we built. 

God's artwork.

The best youth pastor/man of God i've ever known.

Little princess

John 3:16

"But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God." Acts 20:24

fear.

Fear. It's something God uses to tell me exactly where he wants me.  Everyone's relationship with God is different and he talks to people in ways they react best to.  Mine is fear.  I know God is telling me to do something when i'm afraid to do it.  After being in Mexico for a week i'm afraid.  I know the culture shock i felt there and i know the feeling of leaving a place i fell in love with.  It frightens me because i know God could call me to do it again, maybe for longer this time, or maybe for my whole life.  When i first felt called to do missions i cried myself to sleep, i didnt want to do it.  I didnt want to give up everything and move far away.  Then, one day, something weird happened,  i got excited.  The idea of moving some place new and telling people about Jesus in a language they cant understand enticed me, and excited my bones.  God moved me.  I found this organization called AIM missions, and they do this thing called The World Race.  It's incredible.  They go to 11 different countries in 11 months.  Its amazing.  I've been obsessed with the idea ever since.  I went on every day and read racers blogs, i checked on the new maps, anything i could find on that site i went on.  Now, as i sit here on my computer reading through these racers blogs, seeing their hearts and the trials and the blessings they are finding on the world race, i'm afraid.  What if God really calls me to go on this trip, basically a whole year away from my family, my friends, and this town that i'm so in love with (i rarely admit i love coldwater).  This used to be my dream, it excited me, but now as i sit here, i'm afraid of it.  OH NO. Fear, here you are again Jesus, striking fear into my heart for your Kingdom.  I love you, and your will is dangerous to step into, but how beautiful it is when i finally let go and let you take it. I'll be praying about this, and i know i will have others praying as well.  My life is not mine, and i dont count it very precious to me, the only thing i count precious is Jesus.  My heart is His, and right now he's striking fear into the heart he owns.
I live for the fear of my Savior, and i live to be uncomfortable for Him.  May this path lead me closer to you, Oh Lord.

I'm home.

As i sat on the linoleum floor of our kitchen in Tijuana, Mexico i smiled.  I could hear the dogs that barked almost every night and the truck that drove by our dorm almost every 15 minutes with a megaphone shouting advertisements in Spanish.  I looked around me at the people that sat next to, and across from me one was a new brother and others i've known for awhile now.
"One thing God has taught me in the 2 months i've been living here is that God's will for your life is the most dangerous place you can be." I listened to my new brother as he showed us his heart, but this sentence touched my own heart.  At first i didn't understand what the heck he was trying to get across, and how anything that had God attached to it could be dangerous.  But he continued.
"When you're in the middle of God's will, and you've completely given up your whole self to him, that is when things get dangerous.  God will ask you to do things you don't want to do, to go to places you aren't really sure you want to go to, but the cool thing is being dangerous for God is the only thing i want to do in my life."
Now i understood.  Living a comfortable life with security wasn't what God wanted.  He wanted us to be radical for Him, to step out of our comfortable little mind set and sacrifice for him, to serve for him, and to bend low for him.  Tijuana, Mexico is beautiful but that is because i could see God there.  Every orphan i loved on, every alcoholic i locked eyes with, and every mamma that wanted a better life for her children i saw Jesus's face.  I saw Jesus's hand right on their life and i sit on my couch in my living room i miss it.  I miss being uncomfortable, i miss being tired and worn out for Jesus.  But i'm not going to let my love for the people in Mexico to stop me from loving here in Coldwater, Michigan.  I've come to serve, and serve for Jesus.