I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
      saying, ‘You are my servant.’
   For I have chosen you
      and will not throw you away.
 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
      Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
   I will strengthen you and help you.
      I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

-Isaiah 41:9-10

To say this last week has been a trial may be an understatement.  

My dad is completely aware of the desires of my heart to serve and eventually be and overseas missionary.  Does he support it? No.  Does he fully support my relationship with God? No. I take this as a daily struggle, because i know through Christ all things are possible and God is and WILL change my dads heart on that subject, but that is not what i'm writing about today, but it does have something to do with it.  

      New Tribes Bible Institute, if you know me on a personal level you know that this past year this school is all I've been talking about, thinking about, and praying about.  For me, a year is a long time for me to be fully invested in something, halfway through i usually get bored and move on.  The only commitment i'm good at is my commitment to following Gods plan for me, and let me tell you, when he puts a desire in my heart, that desire is burning and its ready.  

      When i want something, i dont stop until i have it. Now, if this something just has to be a God given desire, watch out.  New Tribes is exactly that.  A school completely focused on teaching the bible, oh and its a missionary based school. SIGN ME UP. 

      Now, just because God has given me a desire for this doesnt mean this plan is going to run smoothly, especially if Satan has anything to do about it.  This past week i think my dad and i have argued more than we have in 3 years about this one subject. (Theres another huge thing, you guys dont know my dad, well, some of you might.  When my dad argues, its scary.) When someone attacks your beliefs, you're natural instinct is to respond and tell them that they're wrong. As a teenage girl, do you think i responded that way. Heck yes i did, should i have responded that way? No i stinking shouldnt have. How in the heck am i supposed to show Jesus to my dad when i'm responding in the same way he is, especially if its about something i really want.  

      My dad has referred New Tribes and my aspiration to become a missionary (i use the term "become" lightly because i consider myself a missionary in everyday life but in lack of another term we will stick to this one) in more disrespectful words than not.  The other day he compared me wanting to be a missionary with him wanting to be a baseball player.  Nice, right?

      If my dad had his way this is what my life would look like.  

• Go to community college for 2 years. 
• get associates and bachelors degree. 
• move onto a university and study "a common job", probably nursing. 
• find "a common guy" who may or may not believe in God. 
• move away, but not too far away from Him and have Children.
• but most of all, i will have a secure life a secure husband and financially i will be secure. 

     This life may be good for someone, but not for me.  The last thing i want in the world is to be secure, because when i'm secure in this world, that can only lead to destruction.  I want instability so i may lean on God to even things out.  I want way too much to handle, so im forced to lean on God for help.  I want to be lost, so i have to ask God for directions.  I want to be dangerous to the enemy.  I want my life to look radically different from the average american.  Want to know why? I want to live radically different for CHRIST who lived radically.  I want to be so in love with Jesus Christ that normal things become absurd.  I want to look so different from people, they question my life style.  I want to get to heaven and hear Jesus say "well done my good and faithful servant, you have used everything i have given you." I do not live for the applause from men, but for the applause from my father in heaven.    

       How do you explain that to someone that is of this world?  You cant.  It's impossible for him to understand it.  So, how am i going to do what i think is right according to God?  I dont know, but i have faith that i will know when i am supposed to.  I trust that God has gone before me in this, he knows my future already and he has it worked out.  This nothing but a small pebble in my path.  Jesus will lead me where i'm supposed to be.  He will change my dads heart, or my heart according to his plans. 

I pray that you all are seeking God's will for your life.  I will not promise an easy road, but i will promise a full and joyful life.