"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." 

- Romans 7:15-23

This week has been horrible, I've been so discontent with everything.  I've engulfed in sinful nature.  It might not be the sinful nature of everyone but all sin is equal so it doesn't really matter what i have done.  Why, why, why, would Jesus the king of well, everything want someone as disgusting and revolting as His daughter/princess/servant.  I dont deserve such and honor, i dont deserve such a title.  Could i ever, though? Could i follow Him step by step, and never fail to make a mistake? No. Jesus is the definition of perfect, He is God.  There is nothing i could do or say that could make me worthy of the title He has given me.  He died so that i wouldnt be held down by this sin.  He knew what i would do this week, He knew what i was going to do 2 years ago and He knows what i'm going to do next year but He has fixed that.  He could never love me any less or any more than He does right now.  His love is the same as yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  The evil one whispers lies in my ear and i listen.  I believe those lies instead of my Father's truths.  Why? Because we were born into sin, but it is possible to be cleansed.  I need to look to the cross, i need to remember what my Savior did for me.  he became my disgusting sin, He became what i did this week, i'm repulsed by myself and He became that for me.  I didnt deserve it, we didnt deserve it, we never will deserve it. He has engulfed us with his grace and with his love.  His unconditional, beautiful, love.  My mind can not grasp this kind of love because there is nothing on earth like it, i've never seen anything like it before.  God is my father and He loves me no matter what.  HOW. HOW. HOW can He do that.  He sees my faults, He watched me indulge in the one thing He hates.  But yet He opens His arms and tells me I'm forgiven, and that He loves me.  OH FATHER HOW INCREDIBLE YOU ARE.  This love is more than i can stand, my mind does not comprehend but my heart knows it's truth.  I see it in your eyes, the eyes that see into my soul, see its filth, and its grudge, but you look at me with more love than anything i've known before.  

Im not worthy, but i'm thankful.  I'm thankful that i know you.  That i can call you my Father.  I'm sorry, Abba.  I've let you down, but i will try harder.  With your help i can overcome this sin.  I can overcome this world with you inside me.  I am nothing but dust on this earth without you.  Make my heart pure, and make my wants your wants. BREAK ME until i fall at your feet. Until i seek your face.  I NEED you, you, you, my almighty Father.  I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER. Take me and hold me, rock me and kiss my forehead.  I'm yours. I'm yours.