Not my will, but Yours.

The things of this world are so distracting.  Even the things that i think are helping me grow in my faith can become a distraction.  There is a song by tenth avenue north that reminds me of this season of my life.

"we're waiting but our eyes are wandering to all this earth holds dear.  Look at all the pretty things
that steal my heart away, I can feel I'm fading cause, Lord, I love so many things that keep me from Your face. Come and save me."

As i sit and wait for this season of my life to be over, my eyes wander from Him.  As i wait to graduate high school, as i wait to start bible college, as i wait for summer to start, as i wait to find out if i got the summer counselor job, as i wait, wait, wait, wait. 

"Then the prophet went and stood by the road waiting for the king. He disguised himself with his headband down over his eyes." 1 Kings 20:38

"Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway."- Proverbs 8:34 

So many times we are called to wait on God.  Our answers or solutions dont always come right away, i'm convinced one of God's favorite things to do is to cultivate patience in his followers.  I've been constantly waiting, constantly wishing that things would just go faster.  Why, though?  Even though God has promised me a wonderful future, i have work to do right now, in this moment.  No matter how many distractions that i put in my life, none of them are going to distract me enough to forget His words. 
"Go make disciples of all nations"  Right now, my nation is Michigan.  I can do my best to follow Him here, where i'm at.  Until he sets me somewhere else.  I'm not going to do any good if i just sit and wait for him to bring me something.  I must go and he will provide the rest.  I really need to remember what is important, and what my priorities are.  God is important, and the only thing i need to be distracting myself with.  My priorities are what He puts in my life.  No matter what i'm his, thats it. End of story.  I'm not the worlds, i'm not my friends, i'm not parents, i'm HIS. He is going to do what he wills, and i'm going to follow.  Probably not right away because, lets be honest, i'm a teenager and i think i'm right, but eventually, i will follow.  I WILL FOLLOW.

Remind me Lord,
Not my will but YOURS.
Not my will but yours.
Not my will but yours.
Not my will but yours.

What do i know of holy- addison road

I made You promises a thousand times,
I tried to hear from Heaven, but I talked the whole time.
I think I made You too small. I never feared You at all. No.
If You touched my face, would I know You?
Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

What do I know of You
who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire?
Are You fury?
Are You sacred?
Are you beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out.
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save.
But those were only empty words on a page.
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

What do I know of You
who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire?
Are You fury?
Are You sacred?
Are you beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
on earth and heaven above
what do I know of this Love?

What do I know of You
who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire?
Are You fury?
Are You sacred?
Are you beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of Holy?

Dont wait for the world to change.

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

 Blessed are those who mourn, 

   for they will be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, 

   for they will inherit the earth. 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 

   for they will be filled. 

Blessed are the merciful, 

   for they will be shown mercy. 

Blessed are the pure in heart, 

   for they will see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

   for they will be called children of God. 

 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, 

   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

   “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

-Matthew 5: 3:12

Its been awhile since i've blogged or journaled, basically i havent written down my thoughts in a really long time.  As i'm laying in my bed at 11:30 at night i'm being reminded of how faithful our Father is. I've learned so much since my last sit down at this blog and i dont really know how to explain it all.  

• Just because i dont feel God, doesnt mean He isnt with me.
• God is God, no matter the circumstances.
• The call of being a disciple is not easy. 
• Jesus is really patient.
• Loving the way Jesus loves, is REALLY hard.
• I'm very imperfect.

The times where we think we've lost, the times where we think he has stopped caring, the times we think we have it all put together on our own is when He is shining most.  These are the times when we need him most, the times where we are forced to see How beautiful He really is.  

You can't look at the stars in the sky, so perfectly placed and not see his greatness.

You can't look at a human being, without seeing his face.

You can't ignore the strong winds as they whip your face, it's his power.

We are surrounded by Him day in and day out, He is impossible to ignore. 

He doesnt promise us that this life will be easier because we know Him, its actually the opposite.  We are going to be persecuted, hated, killed, mocked and sneered at because we know Him.  This all may seem harsh but we are going to go through all of those things because He did it first.  When we are being persecuted, hated, mocked, and sneered at we know our life is reflecting His, He is with us through it all.  THROUGH IT ALL.  Not one thing we go through He didnt already endure.  

Jesus does not ask us to risk it all, to throw away our comfort and safety because he wants us to be miserable.  He asks us to do that because He LOVES us.  

We are not here on this earth to store up material possessions, to worry about the latest drama, to judge others, to ignore the poor, to trample the homeless. NO. We are here to spread the gospel, to tell of our beautiful Savior, to show his love the least, to the lowest of the low.  For He is there, with them.  Waiting for us.  

The homeless man you drove by today without a second thought, that was Him.

The orphan you saw on your tv today before you changed the channel, that was Him.

The hurting people of Japan, Africa, Libya, Australia, England, Ireland, Asia, China, and Cambodia. They are HIM. 

He's waiting for you to be His hands and feet, He's waiting for you to give to Him.

Don't keep Him waiting. 

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." luke 12:24

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." 1 timothy 6: 6-10

“‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me;" Matthew  15:8

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

    “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

   “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

    “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

   “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

   “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

    “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”-Matthew 25: 34-36

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." 

- Romans 7:15-23

This week has been horrible, I've been so discontent with everything.  I've engulfed in sinful nature.  It might not be the sinful nature of everyone but all sin is equal so it doesn't really matter what i have done.  Why, why, why, would Jesus the king of well, everything want someone as disgusting and revolting as His daughter/princess/servant.  I dont deserve such and honor, i dont deserve such a title.  Could i ever, though? Could i follow Him step by step, and never fail to make a mistake? No. Jesus is the definition of perfect, He is God.  There is nothing i could do or say that could make me worthy of the title He has given me.  He died so that i wouldnt be held down by this sin.  He knew what i would do this week, He knew what i was going to do 2 years ago and He knows what i'm going to do next year but He has fixed that.  He could never love me any less or any more than He does right now.  His love is the same as yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  The evil one whispers lies in my ear and i listen.  I believe those lies instead of my Father's truths.  Why? Because we were born into sin, but it is possible to be cleansed.  I need to look to the cross, i need to remember what my Savior did for me.  he became my disgusting sin, He became what i did this week, i'm repulsed by myself and He became that for me.  I didnt deserve it, we didnt deserve it, we never will deserve it. He has engulfed us with his grace and with his love.  His unconditional, beautiful, love.  My mind can not grasp this kind of love because there is nothing on earth like it, i've never seen anything like it before.  God is my father and He loves me no matter what.  HOW. HOW. HOW can He do that.  He sees my faults, He watched me indulge in the one thing He hates.  But yet He opens His arms and tells me I'm forgiven, and that He loves me.  OH FATHER HOW INCREDIBLE YOU ARE.  This love is more than i can stand, my mind does not comprehend but my heart knows it's truth.  I see it in your eyes, the eyes that see into my soul, see its filth, and its grudge, but you look at me with more love than anything i've known before.  

Im not worthy, but i'm thankful.  I'm thankful that i know you.  That i can call you my Father.  I'm sorry, Abba.  I've let you down, but i will try harder.  With your help i can overcome this sin.  I can overcome this world with you inside me.  I am nothing but dust on this earth without you.  Make my heart pure, and make my wants your wants. BREAK ME until i fall at your feet. Until i seek your face.  I NEED you, you, you, my almighty Father.  I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER. Take me and hold me, rock me and kiss my forehead.  I'm yours. I'm yours.