However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.- Acts 20:24

    At this point, i pretty much have that verse memorized perfectly.  Most of the time its written on my arm as a reminder.  This verse honestly sums up what my whole life needs to revolve around.  Oh, but, how selfish of a human am i? I worry about relationships, money, future careers, job opportunities, rain; all of which may be important in my life at some point but not right now.  If i focus on Jesus, on His face, things will fall into place.  I'm seeking his face, i'm seeking only Him.  My heart longs for him, and i know every other heart does as well.  Why not share the living water, this water never runs out.  I dont need to worry about a relationship because i dont need it right now.  I need Jesus and i need to do what he's calling me to do.  I can not, and i will not let anything or anyone interfere with what my God has called me to do.  I cant get distracted with earthly things that only fulfill for a little while.  I do belong to this earth, my home is in Heaven with Jesus, but before i return he has given me a command.  "Go be a fisher of men."  My goal is to finish that race, and to bring as many people as i can with me.  

Take me to that place lord, to that secret place, where i can be with you, and you can make me like you.  Wrap me in your arms, wrap me in your arms, wrap me in your arms. 

    

I havent blogged in a very long time.

    Its funny how this spiritual life works.  Sometimes you're extremely confident and firm in your faith, and sometimes you stumble and you fall, and you kind of lose sight of what you're really headed towards.  I lost sight for about month.  My eyes were fixed on worldly things and my heart was being attacked at every angel since i let my guard down.  I'm very lucky we dont have to earn our love from God, because id be last.
    I've battled with depression since i was about 12 years old.  It's a dark place that i really dont like being in, it scares me, it sucks the life right out of me.  When i found God i was brought out of it, i found pleasure in the new life he had given me and was very pleased with this new found love that was burning in my heart.  For some reason about a month ago i fell back into that dark place of depression.  I was very introverted and denied any chance i was given to hangout with my friends.  Every night as i laid in bed my mind would swarm with thoughts that havent been brought up in forever.  My heart was heavy, and my eyes were dark.  The devil had found a hole and i let him in.  I let him feed off my depression and i pushed God further and further away.  I was confused as to why this was happening, i thought when you found new life in God you were always fulfilled, always joyful always happy, then i remembered Job.  Everyone knows his story, all the sorrow, the pain, the anguish he went through.  The difference between Job and me is he kept faithful.
    I'm  thankful God has blessed me with such faith filled friends.  One of my very dear guy friends woke me up a bit.  After a breakdown on my part he told me this was the perfect time to prove my faith.  To praise God even if i dont feel it.
    Let me take this time put a side note in here.  I'm a girl, and girls are emotional, we are driven a lot of the time by our emotions.  Faith in Jesus Christ, a real relationship with the Savior is more than just a feeling.  A lot of the time you cant feel God.  That's a hard thing for me.  If i dont feel him, i dont feel close.
    This past month has really challenged me to find real faith, to really "count the cost" if you will. I have learned that God is far greater than my depression, i will NOT let the devil win.  My God has won, the battle is over.  My heart is HIS forever.

Darkness you have no hold on me.
Emotions you have no hold on me.
Anxiety you have no hold on me.
Self deprecating thoughts, you have no hold on me.
Devil. You can take the nearest exit because you have no hold on me.

I'm a slave for Jesus Christ.  He has bought me with his blood and i am HIS.