You know what i just realized? How different my life has become. Let me just take you back to who i was around 2 years ago.
I wake up, do my daily rituals, get dressed and move on through my day. I swear a little, my thoughts are lingering on what problem i have and how it's just not fair. I talk about how I have a right to be mad at this person, how i dont deserve to be treated this way, i deserve to be "happy." I think about myself, i think about me, and i think about this person named Chelsea. I disrespect my dad because he has the audacity to ask me to put the dishes in the dishwasher when i haven't done anything all day. How dare him. I yell at my brother for asking me a simple question because, why the heck does he need to interrupt me when i'm doing nothing. My heart is hurting because i'm putting my happiness and my fulfillment on this boy that cares nothing for me. My friends are encouraging me in this pursuit of my own happiness. They tell me; "yes, you deserve happiness, Chelsea. You will find it, just think about what you need, not what anybody else." My heart beats for myself and i'm encouraged to continue that way. After a long day of doing nothing but thinking about myself and my "happiness" i lay down to sleep. I lay in my bed, my heart throbs in pain, my mind races through my self deprecating thoughts. I wonder why i'm not happy; I wonder why i hate waking up in the morning. When will i find someone who finally understands me, someone that actually loves me, for me? I cry silently until i finally fall asleep.
Can you determine what was missing? Do you relate to my before life? I hated that life; i hate it even more now that i know what i'm missing.
"For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down to worship, let us kneel before the LORD our maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care." -Psalm 95:3-7
Let me give you a run through of my day now.
I wake up, i pray that God will give me joy today so that i may use this day for Him. I do my morning rituals. I eat breakfast while doing my devotionals; i let God speak to my heart. I get dressed, making sure my outfit is appropriate in God's eyes, because i have found my beauty in him. I get in my car and i listen to my Christian worship channel. I go through school, praying to God continually. I ask for him to use me in these kids' lives, and guess what? He does. I've had amazing conversations with kids that are hungry, starving, thirsting for something more, they have no idea what they are hungry for, but i do. I tell them about God, i witness to them, i relate to them. I read my bible during breaks and in any free time i have. I listen to sermons while i'm working. I've found the one that understands me, and loves all the same.
What is different in these stories? It's not that i listen to worship music now; it's not that i do devotions in the morning; its not that i dress modestly for Him. It has nothing to do with ME and what i'm doing, but it has everything to do with HIM. I do those things because i love HIM. I live my life like i do today because i'm completely enthralled in Jesus Christ, my Lord. My heart no longer throbs in pain, it no longer searches. It has been FOUND, my Lord, Jesus Christ, came in and rescued me. He rescued me from myself. he rescued me from my life of searching. The thing that amazes me most about this is that he WANTED to save me. Do you know what? He WANTS to save you. He is waiting for your heart to find Him. He's waiting for you to fall on your knees and give it up, give up your hurt, give up yourself to Him. I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, that you will NEVER be alone ever again. you will NEVER feel the pain of yourself EVER again. HE is first, HE IS FIRST. He knows what you have done, he knows what you WILL do, and he knows what you're doing right now. Let me give you a little nugget of knowledge here. HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. He does not want you to be held down by sin, he doesn't want you to hurt because of what you have done. Jesus finished it, it's done. He has cleansed you, and he took your sin for you and made you new so that you could be reconciled to the one true God. Don't let satan yell lies into your mind. Listen to God's still small voice, listen to his whisper, He's the truth. Listen to him, give it up, and let him take over your life.
I want you to know that ia life that lives for God is not easy. Just because I follow Christ doesnt mean he takes away my problems, my life isnt a cake walk. I also want you to know that I DONT CARE. What i realized today is that in the midst of my troubles, He is here. He is with me, holding me. He is grieving with me, He is joyful with me, and he walks with me. So instead of walking alone in your worries, in your problems, in your hurt, you will walk with the one and only Christ. Let me say this again; YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE. He is there with you; let him reveal himself to you. He misses you; He wants you to know him. Let him enter your life. Let him be with you in all your struggles, let him lead you.
"Shout for joy in the Lord, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with Thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."
-psalm 100
